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Product Reviews:
Teenage Zombies |
Rating: 5 (out of 5)
Summary: a different kind of zombie
Comments: Chemical Zombies, I love these movies!! I have shared my DVD with 5 friends, so far and they have all found something in the movie that made the viewing a joy. Golly Gee!! Pick up a copy and have a great time. Lynn |
Rating: 4 (out of 5)
Summary: ALPHA DVD VERSION
Comments: ANOTHER GAWD-AWFUL JERRY WARREN MOVIE...do not YOU JUST LOVE 'EM!!!!!! THIS GUY RANKS RIGHT UP THERE WITH LARRY BUCHANNAN ( CURSE OF THE SWAMP CREATURE, ZONTAR THE THING FROM VENUS ) PHIL TUCKER ( ROBOT MONSTER, CAPE CANAVERAL MONSTERS ) & AL ADAMSON (BRAIN OF BLOOD, BLOOD OF THE GHASTLY HORROR ) FOR THE ED WOOD JR. LEGION OF MERIT AWARD!!...MAKING THE KIND OF MOVIES WE LIKE BEST: SCHLOCKY, NON-EXISTANT LOW BUDGET DREK...
KATHERINE VICTOR ( THE WILD WORLD OF BATWOMAN ) AS DR. MYRA MAKES THIS ALL WORTHWHILE STRUTTING HER SLEAZY DEMENTED STUFF TO E TEENAGE BOY'S SECRET DESIRES...FORGET ABOUT THE TEEN BABES!!!!!!
YEAH, YOU GOT ZOMBIES, FOREIGN AGENTS, BRUTE KILLERS, APES, MAD DOCTORS, CROOKED LAW OFFICERS, HOPELESS TEENS, SODA SHOPS, AND LOTS OF MISSING BOATS. AND IN THE END ALL THE TEENS DRIVE OFF IN A CONVERTIBLE WAVING greatBYE TO THE DRIVE-IN AUDIENCE!!!!!! GREAT STUFF!!!!!!
THE ALPAHA DVD VERSION HAS LOTS OF SCRATCHES ( ESPECIALLY AT THE BEGINNING ) AND A FAIR AMOUNT OF SPLICES AS WELL. HOWEVER, THE IMAGE IS STILL PRETTY CLEAR AND CERTAINLY BETTER THAN MY HORRIBLE VHS MULTIPLE SOURCE COPY. IF you are LIKE ME & REMEMBER THIS NEO-CLASSIC FROM THE 60'S TV DAYS you will WANT A COPY NO MATTER HOW SCRATCHY THE PRINT MAY BE. AND WHO KNOWS WHEN THIS BABY WILL BE AVAILABLE IN A RE-MASTERED WIDESCREEN DELUXE VERSION???
THE ALPHA DVD PLAYS WELL... I HAVEN'T HAD ANY TROUBLE WITH THEIR PRODUCT SO FAR, however YOU MAY WANT TO TRY ANOTHER SOURCE IN SEARCH OF A BETTER PRINT...I WILL PROBABLY DO LIKEWISE... |
Rating: 3 (out of 5)
Summary: "Look, what kind of creep joint is this?"
Comments: I did not give much thought last night to my choice of films as I purchased out Teenage Zombies (1959) off the top of my ever-growing `to be watched' pile of DVDs. Imagine my apprehensiveness as the opening credits indicated this thing had produced, written, directed, and edited by none other than Jerry Warren (he also did the musical scoring)...if you are not familiar with this auteur of cinematic crud, know that he's responsible for some real doozies including The Incredible Petrified World (1957), Curse of the Stone Hand (1964), The Wild World of Batwoman (1966), and Frankenstein Island (1981), to name a few. When not spewing forth his own homegrown celluloid stink bombs (always on the almost all minimal of budgets), he could be found hacking the holy hell out of imported, low budget, foreign films (usually from Mexico), splicing in his own, ill-fitting footage as he saw fit, often creating a miasma of pain for those unlucky enough to be drawn in by his shlocky and lurid promotional advertising. Appearing in is `feature' is Don 'Banjo Man' Sullivan (The Giant Gila Monster), Warren alumni Katherine Victor (Mesa of Lost Women), Paul 'Dr.' Pepper (Rabbit Test), Brianne Murphy (Man Beast), Mitzie Albertson, Jay Hawk, Nan Green, Mike Concannon (Terror of the Bloodhunters), and Chuck 'I can see for' Niles (Face of the Screaming Werewolf), as Ivan, the mute, hunchback, zombfied lackey.
As the film begins we meet some teenagers (I guess back in the 1950s if you were in your mid 20s, you were still considered a teen) at a local hangout, including Reg (Sullivan), his girlfriend Julie (Albertson), and a nerdlinger named Morrie (Hawk), as they make plans for the day. Seems Reg's got his boat fixed up, and is planning on taking Julie and another couple, Skip (Pepper) and his girlfriend Pam (Murphy), water-skiing, while Morrie and his girlfriend Dotty (Green) are going horseback riding. Morrie splits and here comes Skip, with information about a little known island, which, apparently, is easy to find, he heard about he thinks would be perfect for a picnic. We next see the foursome on a beach, and they decide to explore the island, finding a group of odd-looking men along with a dark haired woman. The2couples split, however find their boat has since disappeared. This brings about a lengthy walking along the shore sequence (one of many), as they look for Reg's boat, to no avail. Eventually the girls get caught, as do the boys, as the dark haired woman, named Dr. Myra (Victor) is some sort of spy (who only dresses in evening gowns...who says you can not combine fashion and evil?), working on a secret formula intended to turn the inhabitants of the United States into mindless zombie workers. When his friends do not show, Morrie contacts the local authorities, fearing something bad may have happened, however the Sheriff (Concannon), doesn't seem all that concerned, which I could understand because Morrie's a really annoying, little weasel type and I wouldn't put it past people to purposely avoid him. Anyway, there is some scenes with Ivan the hunchback lurching around, Reg and Skip escaping (leaving the girls behind), a man in a gorilla suit who goes ape on some of the characters (feel the wrath of Konga!!), some guns, another sequence of people walking along the beach (with enough footage of feet to make you think you are watching a Doris Wishman feature), some spies, an extensive discussion about locks, yet another walking along the shore sequence, a shocking betrayal, a couple of ridiculous fight scenes, and so on...
Given the title of this feature, made prior to producer/director Warren's mining cinematic gold from south of the border,1will notice2glaring inconstancies while watching the film...there are no teenagers (the actors depicted as teens are obviously not within the age range), and there really aren't any zombies, at least of the teenage variety...there was a brief scene where we saw some men who were supposed to be zombies, however who could tell? Apparently Ivan the hunchback was supposed to be a zombie, however that seemed sort of overkill...I mean a zombie AND a hunchback? It was difficult to discern where the hunchback part left off and the zombie part began. By the way, stuffing a pillow up under an ill-fitting coat does not a hunchback make, in my book. At1point a couple of the girls were turned, however the effects did not last. Essentially this thing ends up playing out like1of those old Bowery Boy comedy/mystery films, without any of the actual fun or kooky characters (they were more asinine here than kooky). The acting wasn't as bad as I would have expected, in almost all respects, as it was obvious the script, written by Warren under the pseudonym Jaques Lecotier, was the real drag. There are any number of scenes where characters go on and on about the almost all insignifican not effluvia, for example when Reg and Skip manage to break free from their chicken wire cage by fiddling with the padlock...they try to free the girls, who are in a separate chicken wire cage, however are unable as the padlock securing their cage is much sturdier. Thus we get a lengthy piece about padlocks indicating perhaps Warren either received some monies for the production of this feature from The National Padlock Association, or was just insane (I am opting for the latter). As I said, the acting wasn't that bad, given the low budget nature of this feature, with the exception of Jay Hawk, an obvious drop out of the Jerry Lewis School of Comical Performing, who played the character of Morrie. In the annals of annoying characters, Morrie ranks in my top ten. If I could trade my left gonasticle to have the ability to actually enter a film for the sole purpose of throttling a character, I would have gladly done so to give this odious nerdlinger his just deserts. Apparently when Warren instructed him to act all anxious, as his friends went missing, Hawk misinterpreted this as meaning constipated. Take a great look at his character near the end, as when he doesn't have any lines, he can be seen making all kinds of idiotic facial expressions, and generally distracting from the focus of the scene. To top things off, his final line, which is the last line of the film, qualifies him for a beat down of monsterous proportions. Understandably, the locations for shooting were strictly chosen for availability, however what was the deal with the sheriff's office? The desk sergeant was stuck behind a wall, with only a small rectangle hole, surrounded by a picture frame, from which to interact with visitors...so odd and uncomfortable looking. All in all, this is a generally tedious and muddled feature, with some unintentional wackiness, generally passable performances, an oddball plot, and an irreparably flawed script...and a guy in a cheap gorilla suit.
There are a few DVD releases of this film, however the1I have is the Retro Media version, featuring a kind of cool looking giant eyeball on the DVD cover art. The fullscreen (1.33:1) picture on this version appears decent and is watchable, however it does suffer from lines and various other forms of print damage. The quality of the audio, on the other hand, is strong, dropping off slightly around the middle. As far as extras, Retro Media Comes with interviews with both Katherine Victor (6:40), who played Dr. Myra, and Chuck Niles (6:42), who played Ivan, the hunchback, along with a trailer that seems to indicate the film might have been called Teenage Torture at1point. Also, as is the case with a number of Retro Media releases, there is a opening bit with Fred Olin Ray,1that features some nekkidness, and isn't really appropriate for kids.
Cookieman108
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Rating: 3 (out of 5)
Summary: What's That Smell?
Comments: This movie defines the word "malodorous." I award it3stars wholly on the basis of a mathematical average system: if you want to see a genuinely spooky, scary, or entertaining movie, this film would get1star (less would be preferable); if you want a horrible camp classic from the genius responsible for such cinematic mayhem as "The Wild World of Batwoman" and "Frankenstein Island", this is an oft-overlooked5star rarity. Jerry Warren, my personal touchstone as the worst director in history, is paired up again with star Katherine 'Batwoman' Victor this time in a story of alleged international intrigue. It all involves Victor, a mad scientist, making some mind control capsules on an island which despite being clearly visible from shore, is unknown to eone however the bad guys. Teenage heroes inadvertently foil the caper and defeat evil in a manner which is comical, yet difficult to comprehend. (When is it a great idea to break INTO jail?) Please also enjoy the ongoing verbal jousting concerning the relative merits of horseback riding versus water skiing!! What does this have to do with the plot? Who knows!! How prominent is this debate in the film? !! The print of the film itself is in fairly awful condition, with many scratches, occasional sound dropouts (not that that really detracts), and many splices. It also has3little transfer marks that dwell perpetually near the top of the frame, yet move around and flicker annoyingly. If the plot weren't silly enough, the acting and dialogue take this1over the top. The film is short, and while not as entertaining as some Warren classics, this is an excellent opportunity to see a bad movie at a low price. |
Rating: 3 (out of 5)
Summary: Don Sullivan Lives!!!!
Comments: A group of teenagers happen upon an island inhabited by Katherine Victor as the sociopathic, Vampira-esque mad scientist "Doctor Myrna"; and her zombie horde. The kids have stumbled into a subversive plot to turn the world into a planet of zombie slaves!! Evil Dr. Myrna has concocted a gas that turns people into cabbage-heads. The teenagers show up just in time to mess things up royally!! Don (Giant Gila Monster) Sullivan is the only teenager with gray matter in his skull. Thank God he doesn't sing or play the "banjo-lele" in this one!!!! Anyway, together, the dopey teens escape, and with the help of a man in an ultra-cheap gorilla suit, Dr. Myrna is vanquished. A personal favorite... |
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